|
|
 |
|
Goals of Mediation |
|
|
|
|
The GOALS or The Outcome of Mediated Divorce |
|
|
1) Retention of assets. As previously mentioned, if most divorces or splits result in precalculated settlements - both spousal and child support, then knowing these amounts up front permits movement towards settlement without spending 20, 30, 50 thousand or more on lawyers.
Additionally, if you have taken the time to speak with an attorney, you have probably already been informed that he/she requires between 5 and 20 thousand dollars just to take the
case. And this is usually FROM EACH SPOUSE since both must hire their own attorneys.
2) Retention of some level of dignity and relationship between the
parties. The idea here is that if a man and woman have agreed to split yet no one is forcing them (or manipulating them) to be mad at the other, the ability to communicate about important things as they pertain to children, finances, friends, etc. enables peaceful coexistence even after the divorce has been finalized.
3) Mental stability. One of the most egregious components of a divorce is the mental toll it takes on both parties. The constant “at war” status prevents partners from focusing on work, family, or just about anything other than the divorce proceedings itself.
Divorce has been referred to by people in the mental health care industry as the single WORST event a person can
experience.
4) Maintenance of children’s emotional states. Needless to say, divorce also has a severe impact on children - no matter what age. Being dragged through custody battles does nothing to lessen this impact and obviously worsens the situation. A couple who are NOT constantly arguing, who are NOT constantly speaking negatively of the other spouse, who ARE engaged in amicable proceedings has a child or children learning valuable lessons in relationships while not feeling that their parents hate each other so “now which side do I have to choose.”
In business and civil litigation walking the tightrope of relationship does not take nearly as much care as in divorce situations. HOWEVER, in divorce situations, both parties usually, due to the existence of children, need to maintain contact even after the divorce has been finalized. In civil matters, the parties are usually looking to resolve the situation and get on with their SEPARATE lives.
The tightrope of divorce mediation is one that only a specific type of professional seems able to master. (And the personality trait associated with this individual is normally NOT associated with members of the legal profession.) |
|
|
Call 818 707 8177 For A Free Consultation |
|
|
|
or click here to email us |
|
|
In our early days of divorce mediation, a great deal of our time was spent attempting to keep couples together or bring them back together. Sometimes these efforts were successful, most of the time they were not. In all but one case, our efforts towards permanent reconciliation failed. In a number of cases temporary reconciliation took place only to have the phone ring 6 months later with a renewed request to mediate.
We are believers in the institutions called marriage and family. If we had our way, couples would not grow apart but would remain married “til death do us part.” However utopian this may be, it is the reason we became involved in the realm of divorce mediation.
Given that divorce is a state of life, climbing as high as 70% in some regions, and given that we would prefer divorce not ever take place, the next best thing is to try to maintain peaceful coexistence between a man and woman even though a decision has been made to separate.
The presence of children (which is the case in more than 7 of 10 divorces) makes agreeing to disagree even more important.
Once attorneys become involved, money and any chance of congeniality are usually out the window. Many attorneys earn their money by keeping spouses mad and fighting with one another. The worst part is watching legal fees shoot through the roof while retention of an attorney seems to have little (if any) impact on the actual outcome of a divorce proceeding. Division of property, spousal support, and child support are usually predetermined following pretty specific set of schedules and mathematical calculation of these schedules.
On the other hand, the Outcome of Litigated Divorce. Children are used as pawns in custody battles and are ripped through court. Spouses who originally cared about one another now hate each other having this outflowing of negative emotion land on children and any other party caught in the crossfire. Split custody ends up mixing up children’s lives giving them no true location to call “home,” while giving them a skewed understanding of how relationships operate.
Furthermore, two people now vie for friendships with those whom they associated with during their marriage. We get to watch those relationships also deteriorate as friends are forced to choose between the partners.
MEDIATION IS THE ONLY ANSWER FOR DIVORCE - - ALWAYS! |
|
|
Call 818 707 8177 For A Free Consultation |
|
|
|
or click here to email us |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|